My name is Flash Mick, and I never miss a trick; when selling you a used vehicle. The punters are putty, I swear they are nutty; even the very most fickle. There once was this geezer, who was very pleased to meet yer, by what I mean ‘e was posh. This posh berk was easy, I sold ‘im a wheezy; old banger of a clanger, such tat.

Some bloke tried to punch me! Said I was untrusty! ‘Coz I sold him a clunky old poke. We had barely spoke, me and this rancid breath’d bloke; so I called my mate Minty over to see to ‘im. Well Minty’s no joke, a big massive bloke. With shoulders broad as my investments. So Minty went to beat ‘im and being a bit effin dim, smacked the wrong bloody man;

Oh woe was my regretful laments!

To the fella who was innocent; I made amend with a cheap Reliant and ‘e was well chuffed with that. The angry customer, who made such a fuss to me; ‘e got tossed on his arse well flat. I ain’t ‘aving it bruv, I do what I love and the punters’ll buy anything. What’s that you say? Step right up this way, I know exactly what you want luv.

 

 

From The Rogues’ Gallery

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© DJA 2016 All rights reserved.
Cover: The Laughing Cavalier by Frans Hals
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