A horse walks into a bar and announces: “Good evening [CENSORED], if anyone makes that joke about the long face I’ll [CENSORED] the [CENSORED] out of their [CENSORED][CENSORED][CENSORED] travel guides.” The horse stood bemused; “Hey barman what the [CENSORED][CENSORED] is going on?”

“Oh that [CENSORED] eh?” The barman chuckled. “It’s the new government initiative to reduce the amount of swearing on the internet.” “Have they ever been on the [CENSORED] internet?” replied the horse, whilst making himself uncomfortable on a bar stool. “This is going to make my USP about being a foul mouthed horse kind of a tough sell. What the [CENSORED] else am I meant to do with such a [CENSORED] limited skill set?”

“They don’t think these things through,” sighed the barman. “Think of all the people now out of work because of the ban.”

“I’m one of those [CENSORED][CENSORED] people, you [CENSORED][CENSORED]. You see, this really isn’t working. It’s total [CENSORED] and [CENSORED]. Oh come on! That wasn’t even [CENSORED] swearing for [CENSORED] sake. I think I might be [CENSORED].”

“Nah you can do more than walk into bars, make terrible jokes and swear a lot surely? What about acting or singing? I mean you’re a talking horse, that [CENSORED] you do not see every day my [CENSORED] friend.” The barman placed a pint in front of him and continued:

“Go on, give us a song you big [CENSORED].”

“[CENSORED] off, have you heard me on the Karaoke? I’m completely tone deaf; last time I made four people [CENSORED].” The horse looked disconsolate. “I’m going to have to go on the [CENSORED] dole. It’s a [CENSORED] pittance and they take it away for any old [CENSORED][CENSORED][CENSORED].”


“[CENSORED][CENSORED].” The horse was frustrated; “Now what the [CENSORED] is going on?”

“Oh yeah, they’re also clamping down on political speech. It’s literally [CENSORED]. Literally.”

“Oh [CENSORED] this for a lark. I’m off until this [CENSORED] and this useless bunch of [CENSORED] in the [CENSORED] have [CENSORED] the [CENSORED] off. Night chuck.”

Moral of the story: [CENSORED]


A horse walks into a bar…