s-l300Anthony Pitt was extremely tall. He looked exactly like the Victorian gentleman you would have assumed him to be. Dressed in the fine regalia of noble birth and heritage, he was very much the picture of propriety.

With wife and daughter in tow; he would be seen striding forth across the borough of Shingletown and Hamlet-on-the-Sea, where he was highly regarded and known as the Right Honorable Member of Parliament; serving within Her Majesty’s Parliament in Westminster.

He spoke as he looked, with zealous loftiness and a manner which made even the most devout clergyman feel filled with sin. For he was a good man, a role model and prudent with both words and deed.

He toured the schools and churches, preaching chastity and purity. He visited the brew factories and public houses with a sermon of abstinence. He went on day time TV pleading family, charity and standards in conduct.

Anthony Pitt truly was the pinnacle of perpetual perspicacity.

One morning, at the breakfast hour, television on quietly and papers spread across the remains of the morning sustenance; Anthony’s wife read the tabloid they had delivered, along with the quality papers:

PERFECTLY PRUDENT POLITICIAN AND HIS PERVERSE PROCLIVITIES WITH THE PROFESSIONAL DOMINATRIX PENELOPE POISON, PAGES 2, 4, 5, 6, 7. PICTURES OF PITT AND HIS PITHY PARTNER IN LOVE, PAGES 8, 9, 10, 28.

Read the headline.

A teacup was dropped on the Pitt’s perfect floor. Anthony’s wife planted a perfect punch on the politician’s protuberance, kneed Pitt in his perfectly placed privates and walked out.

Anthony Pitt grew very, very, very, small.

From The Rogues’ Gallery

in

Tall-ish Tales (Short-ish Stories)

 

Cover: A Buffoon Playing A Lute by Frans Hals
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