Ha! Old Nick was a Devil in his day; whenever I drank things always went astray. My real name’s John, but he was always on the con; so King Nick is here to stay. Retired from the bandit life, I sit and hear the tales of strife, from my fellow old bunglers and burglars alike.
Don’t listen to that old bugger, he’s 90 parts a mummer and the other 10 is sloshed all day. Come and sit chum, and drink some grand old rum and perhaps take a short nap stay.
Ha! Stay away from him, he’s known as Lucky Jim. He’s only lucky ‘coz he mickeys his victim. Lucky Jim Finn, the toast of King’s Lynn and on Wednesdays he’s known as Tin Tim! A rag and bone man, but never makes a damn; so he sit the day here spinning tales within.
Is that old sot bending your ear? Old Nick the King drowning in his beer? He’s seen more gems than the Queen of Sheba; but now he sits there in a drunken fever. Oh what a waste! Oh for a taste! Of the King’s ransom gained through the years.
Ha! Ignore that prancing fool, his name is Jack O’Toole; but we all know him as Flat Pat the Silent Cat. Creeping in the rooms of an heiress, searching for some redress when he was knocked on his arse for his foolish trespass. The mistress caught him thievin’; sending him a heaving and he made short work of his hurried scurried leavin’! A coward one and true, but a generous cat that mewls! Buy us a fresh drink Jack a-fore I give thee a hearty smack! Cheers to one and all I say!
King Nick has caught a fish! A fresh one I spy with relish. For surely they have a pocketful of gold? We really should be told; or are ye a new member of our fold? Be that so then welcome to the old rogues reunion!
Ha! Me and Sam go way back; he’s always cut me much slack; even on my most calamitous days. If I need a drink I says, Sam is always there and pays; with a sack of gold filched from a rich old hack. Sam has always been a thief, much to the relief of his nineteen daughters that roam in a pack. So here’s to his multitudinous offspring; the girls that make my heart sing. The daughters of Sam Lamb the legendary ruffian!
From The Rogues’ Gallery
The Angry Farmer 